In today’s video, I discuss how to handle anxiety about a partner’s past behaviours.







Read or watch below to learn strategies for dealing with anxiety about partner’s past.



















Zachary Stockill: If you’re dealing with unwanted, intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past, you’re probably feeling some anxiety around it.







If that sounds like you, I’m sharing three simple tips in this video that I think will really help.







I’m Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve helped thousands of people around the world move past retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.







If you’d like to learn more about my work or are interested in working with me one-on-one, please click here.







For those of you who are new here, the term retroactive jealousy refers to unwanted, intrusive thoughts—often obsessive curiosity or what I call “mental movies”—about your partner’s past relationships or sexual history.







You might experience just one of these symptoms, or you might deal with all three.







But at its core, that’s what we mean when we talk about retroactive jealousy.







In today’s short video, I want to share three tips—three simple suggestions or perspectives—for anyone struggling with anxiety about their partner’s past behaviors.







My first suggestion for you is to focus on who your partner is today and how much evidence you have to support that.







Often when you’re dealing with retroactive jealousy or intrusive thoughts about your partner’s past, you’re really searching for clues about their true character.







And often when people do that, they end up focusing only on the past—whether it was six months ago, six years ago, or even decades ago.







Many people struggling with retroactive jealousy try to judge their partner’s values or character by looking almost entirely at their past, while completely overlooking who their partner is in the present.







So if you’re struggling with retroactive jealousy and you’re feeling unsure—maybe you see red flags in your partner’s past or have questions about their true values or character—don’t forget to look at the present.







It might seem obvious, but it’s a crucial point.



















So many people dealing with retroactive jealousy put way too much weight on the past and not enough on who their partner is right now.







And the other part of that question—how much evidence do you have—is just as important.







If you’ve only known your partner for a couple of months, of course you won’t have much to go on when it comes to their true nature, values, or desires.







Simply put, not enough time has passed to really see those things clearly.







Two months is a very short amount of time.







Sure, you can start to get to know someone a bit in that time, but I’m reminded of a quote by a comedian—can’t remember who it was—but it always stuck with me because it feels so true: “For the first six months you date someone, you’re not really dating them.”







You’re dating their PR person—you’re dating their representative. And it’s funny because it’s true, right?







When you meet someone and you really like them, you’re naturally going to be on your best behavior, especially in those early days,